If you’re actively using drugs or alcohol, making amends can seem like an empty gesture to the other person. While you may genuinely want to repair your relationships, it’s a good idea to focus on your sobriety first. For example, some people may require medically supervised detox as a first step, followed by residential alcohol treatment. If you’re familiar with substance use recovery and 12-step programs, the idea of “living amends” might ring a bell. When you cannot directly make up for something to the person you hurt, a living amends is a decision to change your ongoing behavior in a way that is informed by the wrongdoing. Your ‘living amends’ is living in a way that that acknowledges the previous mistake by consistently living in a way that doesn’t repeat it or compensates for it.
Commit to living a sober and honest life
When someone is alive and you’ve hurt them, amends are more straightforward. You might go to that person and take responsibility for what Twelve-step program you have done wrong, express you deep remorse, and ask what you can do to make it up to them. You may couple that making of amends with a request for forgiveness.
- Step Nine can leave you emotionally exhausted; it’s a difficult step to navigate.
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- Their parent may feel more pain for their addicted child’s inability to get sober than the material items lost due to the thefts.
Intensive Outpatient Treatment Facility
- Nonetheless, being accountable for your misdeeds is your goal.
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- He’s a teenager, so I try to let him function at that age level.
- Change your behavior.The process of making amends does not have to stop after apologizing.
- When choosing to make amends, exercise careful consideration of yourself and others to ensure you avoid causing further harm in your recovery efforts.
- Outside of harming themselves or others, making amends is set as a goal because it helps people recognize how they hurt others and seeks to create space for healing for themselves and those they wronged.
- For example, if we hurt people with our lying and we cannot make amends without further injuring them, we would make living amends by making a decision to behave and communicate with complete honesty.
If there’s anything I can do today to make things right, please let me know. My only goal right now is to acknowledge the harm I caused and do what living amends definition I can to make amends, if that’s possible. In these cases, reflect on whether reaching out is to clear your own conscience at the other person’s expense. This is where a 12-Step “sponsor” or even a counselor’s feedback could be helpful in checking your motivation.
A Choice for Meaningful Treatment with Dignity
She holds certifications in addiction and co-occurring disorder counseling and a bachelor’s degree in addiction studies, having graduated summa cum laude. Before Step 9, one completes the Step 8 inventory, listing people they’ve harmed and developing a willingness to make amends. Some people on this list may be harder to approach, so readiness is key. If willingness isn’t there yet, the program encourages asking a Higher Power for guidance until that willingness arises. One can start with those amends that may be easier and work their way up to the more challenging ones. No matter how much we feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with us or hear from us is not part of the Steps.
Apologize (Sincerely)
If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it. When I first came to recovery, I was certain steps 8 and 9 would be a breeze. After all, I hadn’t hurt anyone (Step 8), so I didn’t need to make any amends (Step 9).
These are all normal emotions that many people in recovery face when they choose to make amends. Your sponsor or counselor can help you through this, but it may help to have examples of what making amends looks https://ecosoberhouse.com/ like. My Mom, on the other hand, loves to complain about Ricky’s behavior.
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